No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We got so high we made milksteak
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize