Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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