on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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