i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize