you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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