i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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