a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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