Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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