Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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