so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize