talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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