youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize