And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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