In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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