Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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