if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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