I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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