erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my poor anus
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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