NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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