I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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