My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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