based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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