if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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