i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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