my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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