apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize