so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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