What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize