I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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