Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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