highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize