I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize