She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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