I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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