4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize