i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize