Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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