He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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