Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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