So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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