If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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