Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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