I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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