When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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