That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize