She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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