I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize