oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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