I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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