i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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